Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Relations-Long term emotional attachment

This is very strange yet debatable question our mind should ask, “Do we really love the person we marry? Or it’s a compromise with life”.
I have asked a question to many persons, “As a father what will you look into a person for marrying your daughter?”
I got the same reply from all of them-expected also. These things are given below priority wise-
1) Job profile of the person-Stability of job, income etc.
2) Family Background of the person
3) The person-Behaviour and look of the person
Now real point comes. We must ask a question, “when we marry whom do we marry. Do we marry with job profile of person? Do we marry family background of the person?”
It is very ridiculous that whom we marry we have given last priority-person, his behaviour, his character.
Lets suppose we are in school or college. Assume an imaginary situation that we start liking a person or fell in love. What do we see at that time in a person? I think at that time there is no job so option no.1 is ruled out from the priority. Also at that period we don’t care about the family of the person so the 2nd priority is also ruled out. We only see the person and we attract towards him/her. That’s pure love devoid of any selfishness. At that time bonding made is real bonding. Living with a person money doesn't matter more than person. What matters is the tuning, frequency between the persons. It should match for a long lasting relation. Some days ago I watching a telugu movie “Nuvvu Naaku Nachav” there was a message, “Right from beginning we send our girls with known persons at every step of life- first time school, first time college, first time market etc. but when it comes to marriage we move her with a stranger with whom she has to live life time. How strange it is! We accept it because we have a well preset and programmed mind. What if she doesn't like him after marriage?”
This is the reason we match Kundali of the persons before marriage. Kundali is for matching the compatibility between two persons and not of their families. Now a day’s Kundali system is also vanishing. Our olden culture and traditions have some meanings and values which we are forgetting in modern days. If we count the divorce ratio (India 1.1%, US 50%), India would be one of the lowest countries. Reason is none other than Indian culture, tradition and values. I am not saying that we can not love after marriage. We get very less time to know each other before marriage. We don’t have option but to love.
We should be happy that we have so many festivals in India for building relations. One day someone asked me,” Is it not foolish that women keep fast of karvachauth and others for long age of their better half. Gimme a break, how can someone get more age.” The real thing is what a person feels and what he/she makes others to feel.
Everyone loves her/his husband/wife. How many of us do express that? These are the festivals one can express how much one cares for you. These are the ways to show love and affection. It gives you feeling that there is someone who prays for you. It has a long term indirect effects on your relations.

Festivals and religion of a person play major role in constructing the nature, behavior and character of the person. When the child is born all are same. The environment, surrounding and kind people one comes into contact mold the character. I don't have right to comment on any other religion because I don't know much about them. So I take the Hindu religion as example, we can ask a simple question to all, “How many festivals are there which are for sorrows and not for enjoying?" We would rarely find any such festivals. Take any festival whether it is Holi, Deepawali, and Desehara, Rakshabandhan etc. we only celebrate and enjoy. Those who are not in contact for several months also come close during these days. We all love our relations but due to our busy schedule and hectic work life we may not be able to get into touch with our loved ones. We get excuse to get together in these days. Also these moments of happiness have psychological impact on a child. I think our ancestors were intelligent enough to make such a strong trap of emotions that rarely any one can get out of this. Now those who know about other religions can explore about them also. I am sure that you will definitely find at least some reasons for burning issues of present days.
Relation is made of two parts- Adhikar and Kartavya. Balancing between two is very important, we can not ask for our Adhikar until we perform our Kartavya.


  1. Very nicely expressed :) Love it !! Keep up the good work shailuu :)

  2. Thank u Poo, Satyendra Chacha and Pari :)

  3. Kya likhte ho... |)amn gud i read it n no of times!!!!

  4. very niceeee...i will definetly show this to my parents when i get old enough to get married :D :P

  5. कल 09/12/2011को आपकी यह पोस्ट नयी पुरानी हलचल पर लिंक की जा रही हैं.आपके सुझावों का स्वागत है .